the secrets to sound body and sterling resolve

by now you've undoubtedly heard,.

and yes. it's true. it's all true:

i've turned eating into drinking,
eliminating the need to chew-
and with it the potential for strained jaw muscles
from overambitious mastication.
nope,
now i can just slurp it down
through a plastic proboscis unsheathed
from a tube of recycled paper,
handed to me by the deli man
(even without me asking for it).
slurp down whole fruits,
whole feelings of goodness and vigor and health.
slurp down health, a longer life, and eventually
immortality.
nothing taxing about it and nothing scorbutic about me.
welcome to the future where you drink yourself to life.
but the price we pay for convenience is complacency.
smugness from a carton of juice.
so to stave off the stagnation of a life lived by
bouncing from convenience to convenience,
i get the kind with LOTS OF PULP.