If my mothers, sisters, aunts and best friends still lived in southern China, they might warn me of men who “want both the fish and the bear paw.” But, that is a different poem, a different continent, a different destiny on a tiny palm. Living in NYC circa 2016, I try to explain my relationship status, and I’ll immediately hear, “Ohhh! Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too! What a dick!” The thing is, until recently, I never gave this idiom much thought, didn’t have to. So..am I the cake here? And if I am the cake, what kind am I? A lemon yellow sponge cake from a Chinatown bakery? An angel food cake because I pretend to act saintly? A devil’s food cake because I’m full of sin and need to be spanked with a big bear paw? I know I’m definitely not a wedding cake, but am I the cake that the svelte break diets for? Am I a cake on the cover of Bon Appetit or an amateur foodie blog? Does “having the cake,” mean that a man can possess me, keep me on his kitchen counter, and maybe if he’s into photography and social media, post me on instagram? #mysweetbabycake!But cakes eventually go bad if not eaten, that’s the truth. Have you ever tasted a cake left out for awhile? It is a rare occurrence for me, but apparently the frosting stiffens like an Easter egg-shell, the cake parts harden too, the sugar becomes less sweet, all knowing that they’ve lost their existential purpose, which is in fact, to be eaten. It is also a sin to have food go to waste. And let’s be honest, who doesn’t like the taste of cake? So why should I begrudge him for wanting to eat it? Maybe he just prefers Red Velvet, Lemon Meringue, even Carrot, if he’s craving a good cream cheese filling. It’s why I have both apple and orange juice in my fridge. My sisters shake their head at me. They wonder why I was absent from class that day. It’s actually the having vs. the eating. It has nothing to do with the flavor of my cake or anyone else’s. I guess it was a trick question..for me. I am totally effed.