growing up in fear

a black man told a black boy
that the police kill black kids
all the time
just like him

you know that, right?
no, the child said
the man told him
they do
the police kill black boys
the child looked scared
no, he shook his head
yes, they kill black boys like you
who don't listen their to their parents
and the police come
and kill them

and the white girl passed by quietly
not sure the child was old enough
for this truth

thru hiker #3

"i'm not really into camping"
she revealed.
I watched her fill her canteen
at the spring
just feet from where i urinated moments ago
then why would you attempt to hike 2,000 miles?
i wondered to myself
i hope you like piss water
more than you like camping.
when you're done hydrating
do us all a favor
and
please go home.

thru hiker #2

"Top of the morning to you!"
"I'm sorry. Vhat?"
Some greetings don't translate
even on the Appalachian trail.

my posture is never good enough
always catching my back in pain
trying to support my head
too hunched over

you look up at me with sad eyes
hoping for forgiveness
you're never good enough
and i'm angry because of it

sunnyside up

one a.m.
i have been drinking beer and wine and picklebacks
when i see it
there is egg all over my door
someone threw an egg at my door?
it's been there too long
yolk stuck to the floor
egg shells tucked into the welcome mat
i don't feel welcome here anymore
this is a mess i don't know how to clean up

when you want a re-do

you can't decide what to watch
and when you watch it
you don't like it
and feel like
you just wasted two hours
doing the wrong thing

he has an acronym for everything
so many he can't keep track
but he expects you to

bbq sauce

somehow
you stumbled on the sidewalk
and your gargantuan paw
landed perfectly
in the fast food sized container
of barbecue sauce

i don't know why
you do the things you do
he gave you a gift
you tore it to shreds in mere minutes
i cleaned up the mess

i don't know why
you do the things you do
you cry out in the middle of the night
waking everyone with your panicked screams
i try to calm the nighttime stress

i don't know why
you do the things you do
when you see a stranger on the street
and puff your chest a little more
telling everyone not to come any closer

i don't know why
you do the things you do
your obsession with the cat
chasing her around the house
unsure what you will do if you ever catch her

i don't know why
you do the things you do
but i wish you would just stop.

The Miseducation of Black Youth

a teacher fired
for getting the black kids
too riled up
about issues of race
about black boys being locked up
for being black
about black boys being blamed for crimes
they didn't commit
about years and years of racism
deteriorating too slowly
about no one caring
if they live or die

and i think
if they aren't riled up
then
isn't that the greater problem?

shouldn't we all be riled up?

Thru hiker #1

There's a man
with one testicle
who wears a kilt
made of poncho plastic

Sometimes he's in Maine
Sometimes he's further south

But he's always
hiking the Appalachian trail
with his poles clicking against the rocks
as he swiftly goes.

I know because he told me so.

wednesday night

sweaty
sore
tight muscles
too tired to stretch
sipping seltzer
on the couch
too dehydrated to drink the wine you want to drink
the 60 pound puppy rests it's head on your lap
breathing deeply with defeated sighs
the cat sits stoically on the counter
overseeing it all
the tv on
but no one is watching

i like you.
i love you.
i miss you.
come back.

hands and hair

"wear gloves when you wash dishes,"
mom always said,
"so your hands don't look like mine."

whenever i wash my hands without gloves
and run my fingers through my hair
it always feels more dry and brittle
unmanageable like the day they took senior pictures
and my appointment was at the end of the day
because I was cursed with a last name starting with W.

my hands were dry and shriveled from 44 minutes of ceramics class
and i ran my fingers through my once styled, now disastrous hair
knowing these final pictures of my high school self would be terrible
and they were
embarrassment forever sitting in a picture frame
in my parents' home.

my old hair is different now
but these hands still look like mine.

fear and longing in brooklyn

i started knitting a blanket
but couldn't find the right sized needles
and i fear the blanket will be too small

i watched too many shows about serial killers
and now i can't fall asleep at night
because i see in the darkness
what isn't there

you rested your paw on my foot comforting me
with gentle kisses on my ankle
hoping i might forget my worry

he's been gone too long
and we both miss him
eagerly awaiting his return
so our emotional worlds can be back in order
and you can lick his ears

still some youth left in us

we walked across Brooklyn
and burned our paper wishes
in a BBQ pit
and as fireworks burst above our heads
we stood in a circle
and passed around the bottle
some taking longer sips
and excused ourselves to pee behind the bushes
and ducked down conspicuously when the cops drove by
but didn't stop

New Resolutions

I will take better care of my bras
in that I will start washing them ever so often.

I will take better care of my relationships
and try to communicate openly.

I will re-discover what it is I like about teaching
and start to enjoy my job again.

I will be a better adult
and clean my apartment more often.

I will be more classy
and drink more cocktails with pickle juice in them.